A "Dear John" Letter from Pim

This was in my email in box when I got home last night:

"Dear Willie,

I am very glad to see you and know you. You are very nice with me and I like every thing you are (Jai dee). I am happy when we spend time togeter and stay in your room. but we has problem many time because my mind. Just one problem is I am too young for you and you are too old for me to live in the social.

when I go out with friends I has thinking difference and difference life. I has decided to leave from you but when I see you I could not do. How I can do that with some one who so nice with me and love me alot. and I dont want to make you sad I want to see you happy all the time.

now in this time I allso think same as you I should not come back again because the same problem will happen in the future again and again. I know we are all hurt. but I hope every thing will be good.

and this time it is difficult for us to see each other. I will go there to get my clothes and go to stay with my cusin for a few days. I will let you know when I go. you may dont want to see me and I can not see you either I dont want to cry. I am will happy if you happy and I hope we can be good friend.

take care..... love
Pim"

It's a beautiful letter and I was very moved. Pim has never written this much to me in English before and I know she must have spent a long time with the dictionary putting it together. Even with grammar and spelling mistakes, it is very articulate. Here was my reply:

"Dear Pim,

I just got home and read your email.

I think I've known since you came back from Kalasin in July that something was wrong. I felt that you wanted to leave me but you did not know how to tell me. It has been very hard for me, watching you slowly leave. But now that it's finished, maybe we can start new lives.

It's better that I don't see you. Tell me when you want to pick up your things and I will go out while you do. When everything is gone, leave the key and door card behind.

I'm sorry you could not tell me your feelings before I gave you money. I took care of you like a girlfriend, giving you 10,000 baht for the last three months, but I did not receive much in return from you. I believe I was kind and generous. But you did not repay me in the same way, you did not take very good care of me. I think you treated me badly. I hope you will be nicer to your next boyfriend. I will be more careful before I give money again to a Thai woman.

But I want you to know that, except for the last two months (the move to Lumpini Place was probably a mistake, my fault), it has been a wonderful year with you. You have made me very happy. I will always remember when it seemed like we were in love with each other. I will never forget our trips to Koh Samet, Hua Hin, Chiang Mai and Pai. I believe you have a good heart and I hope you can learn not to lie to people that love you.

Love,
Will"

After a couple of hours of staring at her possessions, I went to work. And then I sent her this:

"Dear Pim,

Do not be surprised when you come here to find many of your belongings already packed and ready to go.

I needed to do this, to convince myself that you are gone and not coming back. I couldn't sit here and look at your things without crying. Keeping busy keeps the tears away. I didn't pack in anger. I'm not mad at you. I am just sad that that it became impossible for us to be together. Perhaps we should have realized a year ago that it wouldn't work. I should have said something when you asked to move in with me. But I was too infatuated (you'll need your dictionary for my emails) to say no. I've never been very good at telling you no.

So I wish you well. I hope you find what you're looking for in life.

I'll never forget you,
Will"

I'm a fast packer, and now I get to stare at a collection of bags and boxes . I'm not sure when she'll come to get them. I thought she would need to retrieve clothes for work. Perhaps she took a change with her when she left the apartment last Friday morning. When she returns, she will have to pack the clothes stacked in the bedroom shelves. It's not alot of stuff, actually, and it will probably fit in one of the small rooms they rent cheap to working girls in Bangkok. I'll probably give her the radio/CD player I bought so she can listen to music. Pim loves listening to love songs in English.

Jim writes from Fresno that he's leaving his second wife after perhaps ten years (guessing here) to move into an apartment next weekend. His two grown sons are coming down from San Francisco to join some friends who will help him move. Jim, who has a couple of years on me, has health problems and mobility issues. But, like me, he's looking forward to starting a new life. I wish we could check out each other's new digs. Yesterday I spent over $80 on books, the new novel by Denis Johnson, Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now (our Buddhist film group is going to show some videos of his in two weeks), Dave Eggers A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius which Marcus loved,a book on writing Thai letters, and the New Headway upper-immediate series of learning English texts to help me plan next term's classes. I've got lots of downloaded films to watch and I'm looking forward to some serious reading in my Bangkok bachelor pad.